i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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