hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
