we're chasing vodka with high fives
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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