last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
