My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
