My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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