When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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