listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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