She is in my trunk
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
