My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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