I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
