Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The Olympian is in my bed
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
