I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
