It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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