It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
false alarm, still single
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
