They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
