you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
