Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize