KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize