Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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