Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
