Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
