it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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