i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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