Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
