omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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