I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
