My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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