i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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