The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
