oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize