Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This is my gift to your gina
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
