I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
