Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
