took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
