I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
