we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
