Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize