The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
