I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
