I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
