Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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