They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
