Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
