How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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