the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
