so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
