Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
