so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
