It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
