I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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