my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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