I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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