Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just forgot I was standing up.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
