Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
