Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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