first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
