he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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