I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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