I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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