Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
