we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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