I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
