Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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