Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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